I am hearing more and more frequently that the youngest as the golden child appears to be quite a common dynamic. And if you are an expecting mother, yes, this is how you want your kid to be — full of virtues. Again, thank you for your insights, and I enjoyed / appreciated your input! –do your kids seem emotionally healthy? It drives people to the point of wondering if they are going crazy. I would defend her when he would start to get at her and then he and I would lock horns and an argument would ensue. I have gone almost no contact the both brothers and only call my enabling month one a week and try and keep it simple and about my lovely daughter. As you can probably gather, this article is closely related to my own experience as a scapegoat with an older Golden child sibling. Anyhow, I am sorry this has become so long…it is a very emotional topic for me. It would have saved me so much sorrow and self doubt.

– NarcMagNet69x96. The child who was told she could do no wrong was also sad as a child, but when she went out into the world expecting she at least could do no wrong the world told her, too, that it was not so, and her sadness grew. This was my sister and I to a T growing up, and even now, 20 years later (with her being the older narcissistic golden child and me being the younger scapegoat to our evil narcissistic mother). I still visit my parents about twice a year. My knee-jerk reaction was to tell him, “No, you don’t!” but legally I couldn’t do that. You do have to contend with your past, however, so that you can put it in its place. In a candid interview Sedaris gave for Vice, he describes Tiffany and her relationship with the rest of the family. However, I have already noticed in the past that my case seems to be a bit of an exception, or uncommon at least. I’d love to live in the author’s world of happily ever after…..please tell me where the magic door is. These bullies come to steal your happiness and your entire being. Take care, Billie. …..must add also that as a scapegoat middle child, it is so refreshing to have the paragraph regarding the ‘Scapegoats Strength’. Some people believe it’s a choice but it is not. It is amazing that someone could write such an accurate description of so many families they have never met. Since 1994, I have chosen to go, “No Contact” or as I put it, “Done”.

It’s a really good look at the classic (alcoholic) dysfunctional family, with all the roles represented (the Hero, the Scapegoat (or rebel), the Lost Child, oh, no Mascot). My sis has had the answer phone messages and texts asking what she has done etc, and so has my cousin. Even after creating emotional distance, family roles have re-emerged with a vengeance with the illness and death of my father.

I discovered while researching narcissistic abuse, that I too have done this. I’m a good person who was made into a people pleaser, just hurts deeply when you realise you have never been loved and always used as trash can, mostly due to your good traits that the narc hates to see as it reminds them of their weaknesses. An Aspergers trait is the need to feel in control…..Do the two conditions overlap? What is actually happening to the scapegoated individual is what the narcissist thinks is happening to them when they have their authority questioned. Wikipedia has an excellent, detailed article about dysfunctional family dynamics. So, they do the great big turnaround.

For years I held guilt and shame, slowly realizing the reality of my situation, being raised by narcissistic family. Constantly asking for money. This is quite disturbing that I assumed so many of theses roles as child and adult really. I am like her worst enemy now. And then he added, bouncing on the balls of his feet and beaming at me, “Or forever!” I don’t think I’ve ever been more disgusted by him than at that moment. In fact, alcoholism and drug addiction are extremely common in people with Cluster B disorders. Well done! A golden child will seldom develop psychologically and emotionally to individuate. Having got free (though still haunted and struggling to recover in therapy) I do not intend to return to a closed climate (my British upper class family of origin is like a cult , and a powerful enemy) of toxic emotional abuse. So, the golden child, with the approval of the narcissistic parent, smashes the mirror. You’re spot on when you say ‘in THEIR world fitness = dishonesty and bullying.’ That’s about it!! I just avoided her for no reason, and SHE thought I was the one that couldn’t stand HER. It took many years and finding some people who were good and caring to overcome what happened.to me. The ones who believe the lies will themselves be subjects of their slander soon enough and will learn the same hard lesson we all learned. Good luck with your journey, and I truly wish you all the best. Anyhow. Provoke provoke provoke until you break is the strategy NGC and NM . Good article, I relate to so much of this. She’s poisonous and toxic to everyone around her, including her 4 children who, for the most part, despise her. But the dynamics were the same as you describe.

I have a classic dysfunctional family; a narcissistic father, enabling mother, and flying monkey siblings. In otherwords, she probably realised I was not going to be her foot soldier as I was too independent minded!!. SMH.

That what you’ve written made me shake is not at all “your fault”…rather it’s that you KNOW. The elder two adore the golden child.

Thanks for listening, S. Fantastic article. It is very hard to keep one’s self-esteem in tact after having experienced the absolute horror of family scapegoating. I put up with countless lies that he told about me to my parents and siblings. And of course, she gets the most out of it when she can make sure I get devalued in the eyes of my mother as she longs to have the golden child position, which, omg, I am so so happy to give away. Their only advantage (if they are an only child) is that they don’t have siblings who have been turned into flying monkeys who collude in the abuse.

I loved my other , up until her death.

This is the codependent child who attempts to “fix” the family dysfunction by being obedient, always good, non-confrontational, overly generous, and self-sacrificing.

They smash the mirror over and over, with the help of the narcissistic parent, until the scapegoat eventually walks out of the family. Today, with the blessing of strong, good family influence and the wonderful memories I have and the strength of a life of my own, I am making it through. They think they know us. Afterall the siblings each come from the same people. My mom is totally the narcissist and my dad is the enabler.

And that’s exactly what I think he did. There are two sets of rules for the golden child and the scapegoat child.

He is his own worst enemy. Wishing you healing. And basically, I no longer existed. Since we split several weeks ago he doesn’t make a lot of effort to see the children, especially my daughter.

If this child rages and screams at everyone, the narcissist doesn’t move on in to protect the children from the abuse.

My niece is 11 and becoming a master manipulator with the assistance of her NM. It’s like we have a neon sign saying we’re not to be treated the same as others because we’re shit. Close.

And it is no imagined threat, it is real.

This is one of the most accurate and detailed articles about the GC-SG relationship and the Nparent’s role in it. The Golden Child, basking in constant approval, showered with toys and gifts, never held accountable for any wrongdoing (which may be projected onto the Scapegoat), and often recruited as a co-abuser in the abuse of the Scapegoat, grows up entitled, grandiose, and spoiled.

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